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[This post is part of the "Things To Be Happy" Series. Remember: Happiness is a pithy domain name that best describes your project. Get one today from GoDaddy.com]
The following comes from Ventanon.com:
“ok so i go to your place , i pull out all the stops and strip for you, and in return i get 2 mins of you going down on me, and 40 seconds of sex before you roll over put the tv on and tell me how great that was -
How great what was?
yeah i know i was great , but i didnt even know you started!
so now im going to drink all your beer smoke all your pot then go home.
FYI – if you wasnt so fat u wouldnt be so out of breath
jerk!”
So does this …
“Those assholes in the grocery store that refuse to move faster than a snail, turning their dumb, fat fuck heads ever so slowly, admiring over priced trinkets.
SOME people need to move around the store and get things to eat. Afterwards, these people want to get out of the store. So why not let them by you, you inconsiderate fucksticks?! MOVE!”
How To Write A Ventanon Post:
1. Spelling and grammar are optional. “Nobody checks spellling on the Internet“.
2. Every other word should be a swear followed by a nationality.
3. Unleash the fury of the capslock:
“WHY DO FUCKING MIDDLE AGE PEOPLE FUCKING TRY TO FLIRT ONLINE – ARE YOU REALLY THAT FUCKING SAD???
AND THEN SOME PRICK GOES ABOUT SETTING UP A LETS GET TOGETHER THREAD”
4. Whine about your parents, girlfriend, or job (or lack of any of those).
“i am 21 and a senior in college. i havent been laid, let alone made out with a girl at this school. i just suck, i guess, since im not fat and i am pretty outgoing.”
5. Say something deep, and then fuck it in the heart by adding, “I was high when I said that”.
6. Relationship rants are always a crowd pleaser:
“here’s an anonymous vent…the secret to everything…relationships, be an a**hole, guys and girls alike, keep the other occupied and feeling like they are cool even when they’re likely not, cause they are with you and your an a**hole, job…find a clique, go drinking after work, talk shit at work, f*ck someone at work…never become management then find a new job within 4 years max and start the process over…personal life…drink, get laid, wear a condom…if you’re not getting laid, find better friends to get you laid, if you don’t drink then find friends that do (heavily), women=drama=drinking, these freinds will know how to get you laid the best…friends…never under any circumstance give up or be victim to alpha male status..if you have it, keep it, if you dont f’in find it…be cocky, confident and sarcastic..laugh everything off…and if you’ve read this far..good for f’in you!”
7. Repetition is an effective way to get your point across:
“FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU VERY MUCH! THANKS FOR THE 1000 BUCKS ASSHOLE!”
8. Pick fights with strangers, especially those older than you:
Naked Old Guy In The Locker Room:
“I’m sure your very proud of your body…but I’m not”
Why Should We Be Happy About This?
Happy people need a safe and anonymous place to vent. Folks won’t think you’re happy if you walk down the street punching out store windows.
If happy people don’t vent, you get things like the defenestration of Prague. I’ve taken the liberty to use a little something I call logic to explain why we should be happy about anonymous website rants as found on Ventanon:
More time writing angry anonymous rants = less killing.
Less killing = less time suffering angry prison sex.
Less time suffering angry prison sex = fewer inmates and millions of dollars … in savings.
There. I just proved Ventanon is saving American taxpayers untold millions by letting sociopaths vent anonymously on their website. By having an outlet to unleash their quiet rage, we’re keeping more people on the street and out of prison.
What’s there not to be happy about? Well, I guess the inmates won’t be too happy as I imagine they get bored raping the same people day in and day out, but they’re in jail and you’re not. So that’s another reason to be happy.
Sources:
Ventanon- All quotes in today’s post comes from this website.
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