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[Shh. Do not tell my Mom about this. She doesn't know and doesn't use the Internet. Seriously. I'm trying to get on The Jay Leno Show to wish her a happy birthday. You can help. All you have to do is email thejaylenoshow at nbcuni dot com with a link to this post.]
I wrote to Leno. Ok. I did not write directly to Jay Leno. That would be creepy. I always thought people who wrote to celebrities were a notch below “Frequent Talk Show Caller” and Lady Gaga on the weirdo-meter.
No. I went to The Jay Leno Show website and clicked on their “Be On The Show” link. The button takes you to a page with three contact options: Trash Receptacle ( Email), Don’t Bother ( Mail), and Infamy (Video). I immediately became depressed about the outcome of my quest.
You see, as cool as it would be to plug Dracula And Kittens on The Jay Leno Show, I’m actually just trying to weasel my way on to wish my Mom a happy birthday.
Despite my training as a journalist, and common sense, I decided to go with email. It’s not as likely to resurface the way a video would if I ever get a real job. And with an email, you always have that “I was inebriated” defense built-in. Or my favorite, “I was held hostage by a chimpanzee and he used my computer to write The Jay Leno Show using my email”.
How hard can it be to convince your new boss of the chimp authoring your emails? People think Glen Beck tells the truth. They’ll believe anything.
Although I won’t rule out stalking Bryan Branly (@bryanbranly), email seemed the best option to make Operation: Mom’s Birthday successful.
I guess their trash receptacle fills fast. Your email’s word count is as cramped as a robot’s apartment in the year 3000. They don’t tell you that when you’re filling out the form, but it is.
So there I was, writing an email that would probably never be read. It was a futile effort. More futile than getting my hopes up for the new NBA season with the way the Nets are looking.
The email was about Mom’s theory that no one is famous until Leno has them on, and that her birthday is coming up in November. Paradoxically, she says I’m famous despite the notable handicap of not appearing on Jay’s show.
I’m not famous. Not by any stretch of the imagination or any measure of fame, including the Tila Tequila Fame Barometer. The garbage can Tila vomits in is more famous than I am.
But, I do have a lot of people following me on Twitter. So, I wanted to use what little juice that gives me to see if I could talk social publishing with Leno.
After all, he is using Twitter wrong. So, how cool would it be to help him fix that and wish my Mom a happy birthday at the same time?
Mother Mendelson’s gift? Validating the belief that her unemployed and questionably funny son is famous.
As I clicked send, I received a note saying the email was too long. Crap.
To meet the character limit, the email went from a funny but serious to one of those wacko letters about how I wanted to do something nice for my mom.
What son doesn’t want to go on Leno and do this for their Mom? Letterman fans. But what do they know?
Since I couldn’t get my whole letter to the show, I thought I would publish this post. You know, because I don’t want the people at The Jay Leno Show thinking I’m nuttier than James Woods voicing an alternate universe version of Batman.
Will this help me get on the show? Probably not, but I’m going to take a shot. Like I said, I’m doing this for Mom, and quite honestly I may not get a better chance to make this happen than right now.
So Jay, Bryan, if you’re reading this, I hope you’ll consider having me on, if for nothing else than to make my Mom the happiest one in the universe. Except in the Gamma Quadrant. I think the Borg Queen is pretty happy with what her kids have managed to accomplish.
You Can Make It Happen
All you have to do is email thejaylenoshow at nbcuni dot com and send them the link to this post.
I wrote a letter to Jay Leno. Ok. Not directly to Jay Leno. That would be creepy, and I don’t know how to go about doing that. No. I went to The Jay Leno Show’s website and clicked on their "Be On The Show" link. The button takes you to a page with three options to contact the show: Email, (snail) mail, and video. Despite my training as a journalist and knowing that an email sent this way usually winds up unread and deleted, I decided to go with email. Video felt kind of stupid, at least for this pitch, and I didn’t want NBC taking ownership of any video I made. And do we even need to talk about how slow snail mail is to even consider that an option?
No. I’m on a mission. Although I won’t rule out stalking Bryan Branly (@bryanbranly) on Twitter at some point in the future, email seemed to work the best. The problem was that your character limit is severely limited. They don’t tell you that, but it is. I found out the hard way. I wrote a nice email about how my Mom has this theory that no one is famous until Leno has them on their show, and that her birthday is coming up and I wanted to use what (very, very, very) little juice I have to see if I could come on the show to talk Twitter with Jay (Afterall, he’s using it all wrong), and more importantly, wish my Mom a happy birthday. As far as the whole "fame thing" goes, that’s not really on my mind. My parents broke their printer in the process of printing copies of the story CNN did on myself and a few other under the radar Twitter folks. As long as they’re happy, that’s all I care about.
Ok. I won’t lie. I really want to get Dracula And Kittens a book deal, but beyond that, I don’t care about the rest of it. I was already made uncomfortable locally when I went to Blockbuster and saw one of my neighbors point to me and say to their companion, "That’s the Twitter guy", so I’m not looking to increase that a million times, but for Mom, I would.
Here’s the thing, I was writing my letter and went to send it, I received a note saying it was too long and had to cut it down. So what went from a funny joke about how my talent was being popular on a social networking service despite not having a car, a job, or much of a life, and that my Mom has a theory about fame that involves Jay Leno, turned into one of those wacko letters about how I wanted to do something nice for my mom and wish her a happy birthday on the show. Oh, and did I mention that I am live with my wife’s parents?
Actually, that would make me the perfect viewer for a television show, but that’s besides the point. I barely watch TV, but I do watch Jay’s show, and despite the Nielsans, which have always been a terrible barometer to determine whether a show is good and has an audience, I enjoy it.
So, since I couldn’t get my whole letter off to the show, I thought I would publish it here in its entirety. You know, because I don’t want them thinking I’m nuttier than James Woods voicing an alternate universe version of Batman. Will this help get me on the show? No clue. But I’m going to take a shot at it. Like I said, I’m doing this for Mom, and quite honestly I may not get a better shot than I have right now to make this happen, and based on the life my Mom has had, it would be incredible to do something like this for her.
Here’s the letter:
Want to make this happen? You can:
1) Contact The Jay Leno Show by clicking here and an email copy and paste the following in the email field: "Have Brandon Mendelson (@BJMendelson) on the show to talk social networking and wish his Mom a happy birthday!"
2) Send this article to your friends. All the tools to do so are on the top left of this pageI wrote a letter to Jay Leno. Ok. Not directly to Jay Leno. That would be creepy, and I don’t know how to go about doing that. No. I went to The Jay Leno Show’s website and clicked on their "Be On The Show" link. The button takes you to a page with three options to contact the show: Email, (snail) mail, and video. Despite my training as a journalist and knowing that an email sent this way usually winds up unread and deleted, I decided to go with email. Video felt kind of stupid, at least for this pitch, and I didn’t want NBC taking ownership of any video I made. And do we even need to talk about how slow snail mail is to even consider that an option?
No. I’m on a mission. Although I won’t rule out stalking Bryan Branly (@bryanbranly) on Twitter at some point in the future, email seemed to work the best. The problem was that your character limit is severely limited. They don’t tell you that, but it is. I found out the hard way. I wrote a nice email about how my Mom has this theory that no one is famous until Leno has them on their show, and that her birthday is coming up and I wanted to use what (very, very, very) little juice I have to see if I could come on the show to talk Twitter with Jay (Afterall, he’s using it all wrong), and more importantly, wish my Mom a happy birthday. As far as the whole "fame thing" goes, that’s not really on my mind. My parents broke their printer in the process of printing copies of the story CNN did on myself and a few other under the radar Twitter folks. As long as they’re happy, that’s all I care about.
Ok. I won’t lie. I really want to get Dracula And Kittens a book deal, but beyond that, I don’t care about the rest of it. I was already made uncomfortable locally when I went to Blockbuster and saw one of my neighbors point to me and say to their companion,uot;That’s the Twitter guy”, so I’m not looking to increase that a million times, but for Mom, I would.
Here’s the thing, I was writing my letter and went to send it, I received a note saying it was too long and had to cut it down. So what went from a funny joke about how my talent was being popular on a social networking service despite not having a car, a job, or much of a life, and that my Mom has a theory about fame that involves Jay Leno, turned into one of those wacko letters about how I wanted to do something nice for my mom and wish her a happy birthday on the show. Oh, and did I mention that I am live with my wife’s parents?
Actually, that would make me the perfect viewer for a television show, but that’s besides the point. I barely watch TV, but I do watch Jay’s show, and despite the Nielsans, which have always been a terrible barometer to determine whether a show is good and has an audience, I enjoy it.
So, since I couldn’t get my whole letter off to the show, I thought I would publish it here in its entirety. You know, because I don’t want them thinking I’m nuttier than James Woods voicing an alternate universe version of Batman. Will this help get me on the show? No clue. But I’m going to take a shot at it. Like I said, I’m doing this for Mom, and quite honestly I may not get a better shot than I have right now to make this happen, and based on the life my Mom has had, it would be incredible to do something like this for her.
Here’s the letter:
Want to make this happen? You can:
1) Contact The Jay Leno Show by clicking here and an email copy and paste the following in the email field: "Have Brandon Mendelson (@BJMendelson) on the show to talk social networking and wish his Mom a happy birthday!"
2) Send this article to your friends. All the tools to do so are on the top left of this page.
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Tagged as:
birthday,
Jay Leno,
Jay Leno Show,
moms,
mothers
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